Well, I started to wring this memorial day weekend. As a veteran and avid history buff, Memorial Day is a sacred place. It gives me an opportunity to think about the soldiers that came before, during, and after my time as a soldier. I remember those remarkable stories about soldiers in every war, yet there are three ladies I am thinking about now. I didn't know them personally but I knew them and each of their deaths makes me humble and grateful that I served and made it through.
The first one happened during my time at Fort Bragg there was a night jump and a soldier's line got caught in the door. She was caught and they could not free her. I can't even imagine the guilt that the jump masters had because they tried and tried to free her. At that time how the army worked was that after the whole landed every one had to go back up to jump. I was there at the landing zone and all of the 82nd airborne was there. All I knew about her was that she was very similar to me in age, size, and background. That was over 20 years ago. I still think of her and pray for her family. The second one was a former coworker's sister. Both of these ladies served our country and were involved in Iraqi battles. My coworker was really sad one day and when I asked her she informed me that her sister committed suicide. My heart still hurts about the situation and it was years ago. The last one was only a few years ago and it was a young Latina girl from Houston that went missing. When I think of her mom's pleas to find her daughter and the outcome still breaks my heart I thought of my own experience in the military she was just like me.
I had just turned 18 and could not wait to leave the house. The only people that I was going to miss were my sister and my little brother. I was the oldest in the house at the time and it was so dysfunctional and there was still the disconnect from my dad. I know that he had to make a living but that was always his excuse. I later adopted that methodology for myself and believe it is a generational curse I even see it in my oldest. I ended up addressing it in my personal healing, no matter what challenges have come this way and there have by God's grace I have been able to overcome them. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for me in the past year especially has been alcohol. I have run the gamut with it from being a wine connoisseur to learning how to drink on keto. I have been putting this off pretty much all year telling myself that it is acceptable to have a nightcap every night because I am not working. The truth is that I am not a very nice person when I drink and one nightcap can turn into two and I am feeling it the next day.
I wish that I could say that I was wise enough to just stop at the beginning of the year but I wasn't. As usual, it took a wake-up call for me to stop me in my tracks. I was so broken because I hurt the one constant person in my life. This is so unacceptable to me that I am done. So far I have been true to my word and plan to stay that way. So now I have cut the carbs, sugar, and alcohol. Some of you might be thinking if life is worth living? I would say that yes it is because I don't miss any of them at this point and am starting to get the physique of my dreams at 50 years old. All of which has been such an emotional roller coaster of insecurity and confidence rolled into one. Now that I am getting more confident I need to remember that I am an example to my 13-year-old daughter. I wore a top that was inappropriate in her eyes, and even though I am proud of my accomplishments I am still her mother. Thank God I am raising a modest young lady because they are few and far between these days. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you have a great day.
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