Perspective

 Hey yall, I hope you all are doing well,

I have not been I caught some kind of cold over the past several days and it has been horrible. I think the last time I got sick this back was before covid. I am grateful that Craig takes care of me because it was pretty rough. I am on the mend but I am pretty sure Cambria now has it. I went to the gym the entire time and she has been hitting her evening practices. I have been feeling down for the past couple of weeks and it is a combination of things like being sick and being a female. 

Yesterday we decided that we wanted to go to Houston and visit a museum. Craig picked the Holocaust Museum and it could not have been more fitting. Cambria just got done reading Anne Frank's diary and we finished watching a small light. World War 2 has a lot of significance to me because I lived in Germany for almost 3 years and there are not a lot of reminders of the war, especially the Holocaust. I was having a conversation with my sister about living in another country. I was talking about how I feel the USA is the best country in the world. She somewhat agreed and even though we do not share the exact feelings, I respect her opinion and admit I had mixed thoughts because some of America's biggest critics are people who have never served in our military or lived in another country.

I have been blessed enough to do both at the same time. When I lived in Germany soldiers had to go through training on how to be a German citizen for a month. We learned the language, customs, and culture. By the time I arrived in Munster, I had lived in Darmstadt for a month. There were fellow soldiers who embraced living in another country and those that didn't. I was definitely the former because how many people get to live in Germany? If you have never been it is worth visiting for so many reasons but do understand a few things. Do not ever assume everyone knows English and try to learn as much about the culture so that you show immense respect towards it. For example, Germans eat everything with a knife and fork even and especially pizza.

I had made German friends outside of the military and they showed me their country and it was amazing. I do plan to go back one day but what I did notice when I lived there was that there were not l to of world war 2 memorials and although each country is different and ours is younger we do have multiple memorials for each and every war. Although in recent years generations have focused on certain behaviors of individuals in order to disrespect property; those memorials will hopefully stand. They serve the purpose to remind us not just of the bad things people have done but of the good ones as well. When did we get to condemn specific acts without knowledge and comprehension of those before us? One such person was Robert E Lee; for the ignorant (II am referring to those of you who blindly believe everything that is on the internet by the way), he was simply the Confederate war general, but for those of us the read and truly seek out the truth he was much more than that and in the end chose that side because he ultimately wanted to protect his home and family. I think a lot of people would choose to protect their homes. Also, he did so much to lay down the infrastructure of our new nation.

In visiting the museum we learned that Houston became home to some pretty epic Holocaust survivors. I am so grateful they had the courage to share their stories. It is very humbling to understand what they endured and ultimately survived. I am beyond grateful to make sure my daughter is educated about this as well as other things in our history. I am making sure that not only does she have a childhood, but can read,  learn, and use critical thinking skills to understand all elements of history so that all is not forgotten. To me, that is more important than her having a phone and getting swept up in social media land. That time will come soon enough. I know that all time is limited, and am blessed that my husband feels the same way. At the end of the day all we can do is our best, learn from our mistakes, and give each other grace because we all have a perspective.

Getting it together

Well, I started to wring this memorial day weekend. As a veteran and avid history buff, Memorial Day is a sacred place. It gives me an opportunity to think about the soldiers that came before, during, and after my time as a soldier. I remember those remarkable stories about soldiers in every war, yet there are three ladies I am thinking about now. I didn't know them personally but I knew them and each of their deaths makes me humble and grateful that I served and made it through. 

The first one happened during my time at Fort Bragg there was a night jump and a soldier's line got caught in the door. She was caught and they could not free her. I can't even imagine the guilt that the jump masters had because they tried and tried to free her. At that time how the army worked was that after the whole landed every one had to go back up to jump. I was there at the landing zone and all of the 82nd airborne was there. All I knew about her was that she was very similar to me in age, size, and background. That was over 20 years ago. I still think of her and pray for her family. The second one was a former coworker's sister. Both of these ladies served our country and were involved in Iraqi battles. My coworker was really sad one day and when I asked her she informed me that her sister committed suicide. My heart still hurts about the situation and it was years ago. The last one was only a few years ago and it was a young Latina girl from Houston that went missing. When I think of her mom's pleas to find her daughter and the outcome still breaks my heart  I thought of my own experience in the military she was just like me. 

I had just turned 18 and could not wait to leave the house. The only people that I was going to miss were my sister and my little brother. I was the oldest in the house at the time and it was so dysfunctional and there was still the disconnect from my dad. I know that he had to make a living but that was always his excuse. I later adopted that methodology for myself and believe it is a generational curse I even see it in my oldest. I ended up addressing it in my personal healing, no matter what challenges have come this way and there have by God's grace I have been able to overcome them. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for me in the past year especially has been alcohol. I have run the gamut with it from being a wine connoisseur to learning how to drink on keto. I have been putting this off pretty much all year telling myself that it is acceptable to have a nightcap every night because I am not working. The truth is that I am not a very nice person when I drink and one nightcap can turn into two and I am feeling it the next day. 

I wish that  I could say that I was wise enough to just stop at the beginning of the year but I wasn't. As usual, it took a wake-up call for me to stop me in my tracks. I was so broken because I hurt the one constant person in my life. This is so unacceptable to me that I am done. So far I have been true to my word and plan to stay that way. So now I have cut the carbs, sugar, and alcohol. Some of you might be thinking if life is worth living? I would say that yes it is because I don't miss any of them at this point and am starting to get the physique of my dreams at 50 years old. All of which has been such an emotional roller coaster of insecurity and confidence rolled into one. Now that I am getting more confident I need to remember that I am an example to my 13-year-old daughter. I wore a top that was inappropriate in her eyes, and even though I am proud of my accomplishments I am still her mother. Thank God I am raising a modest young lady because they are few and far between these days. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you have a great day.