Family fun and games

 Hi everyone, I hope you're doing well. This blog is going to be different because it covers another aspect of living a healthy, & positive life. Which is mental health, and to be honest the way that I dealt with a lot of my past was running from it claiming that I am only focused on moving forward. The difference now is that I have done the work to be healed. I dealt with my past by journaling, praying, reading my bible, listening to powerful sermons, and understanding that I have the power to forgive. I literally went through every hurt from my childhood until now forgiving anyone that hurt me and recognizing my part in it.

It is very easy to say and much harder to do. My biggest test is to return home, I used to have such a bad attitude about returning and always focused on the negative. I am the oldest of my siblings and was the first to leave the nest voluntarily. I thought that being out of that environment would improve my life completely, but I had a lot of emotional baggage. I was in the army where the morals and standards that I was raised on went completely out the window. I left Raymondville and went to San Antonio then went to Ft Lenordwood Missouri for processing and basic training. Processing wasn't too bad, but the day came when we piled up in a cattle car with all the positions we owned. 

I couldn't see much and it wasn't a long ride but it was dark and we didn't know what to expect or how long it was going to take us to reach our destination. We were all on edge and when we came to a stop all I could see was a bright light as my eyes adjusted to the 3 people wearing smokey the bear hats stuff got real. There were two men and one woman pulling people out of the car and screaming in our faces. Some people actually got hit, pushed, and pulled from the car. I will never forget that day as long as I live. Now I shake my head because there is a no-hitting rule and cadets have stress cards that they can pull. Please don't get me wrong I don't condone or enjoy physical abuse, but it serves its purpose of toughening our soldiers. Ok, that is my tangent and I am getting back on track now.

Seeing my brother and my cousin triggered those and other memories. It is amazing how seeing someone that you haven't seen in years will make you feel like a kid again. At least that I my experience anyway then we went to my parent's house, where it all comes flooding back. I hadn't seen my dad since 2019, and we are pretty disconnected which is nothing new. I went in with very low expectations and they were validated when I gave him his birthday gift. When I gave it to him he asked me "You know what is wrong with this?" Unfortunately, I made a defensive comment that I am not proud of. But aside from that I didn't get upset, and let that set a negative tone for the rest of the trip. I decided to let it go and keep my distance from him like I always did and will continue to do. It doesn't even make me sad anymore and I am so grateful to be free of that. I will continue to be respectful, but I know that things are not going to change there. The only thing I can control is my attitude, so after that, we hung out with my brother, his beautiful wife, and my amazing cousin. 

The next morning my brother joined me on the elliptical and we got to catch up too which was amazing sharing all our memories. My brother knows everyone in town, and I had spent so much time running from all of those memories that I can't recall them very quickly. Then we met even more family back home. I got to see some familiar and new faces we hung out then we had a huge family late lunch with even more family. I actually stayed on track with my food and enjoyed myself. There was cake but it didn't even phase me, we took a bunch of pictures. Then when we got back to our hotel we had the best time ever; my brother BBQed kabobs which were amazing and my other brother brought karaoke. It was a blast and my daughter also had the best time with her uncles and family.  We will remember that night for years to come.

Sunday morning was bittersweet because I got to connect with my brother again. It is amazing to share memories and learn new things. It was the last day & my sister and I took flowers to my mom's grave. It makes me sad and my sister wanted to know why after 40 years. That is a really good question that I am still trying to answer. Aside from my sister, my mom was the only person in my family with whom I was close. She had a mean streak but she at least spent time with me, and let's face it not having my mom has sucked, When I was young all I wanted was a mom and I got one that came with issues of her own. I never understood or really had compassion for her until my brother shared things with me. A lot has happened and changed since then and I have learned to forgive everything. Being around family brings up a lot of things both negative and positive. Every family has issues and I have worked through my stuff. It has been hard, but I have peace about all of it.

My hope is that we won't let this much time pass before we see each other again some of the other highlights are around spending more time with my sis. We had some deep conversations and so many fun times that I can't wait to see her again in about 2 weeks' time. I am so blessed that we are connected and I love her to the moon and back. I hope you have a great week and until next time friends.

Medical Update

 Oh my goodness y'all it has been a minute since I blogged, and I have been busy working on second and third-round interviews with two notable companies. We also hosted family last week and I am still recovering from that. Let me get you caught up on everything. Let's jump back to when I first started keto and saw my obstetric dr for the first time last September. I had been on intermittent fasting and keto for a few weeks. I had lost 10 pounds around that time which was huge because I hadn't seen the scale move in a minute. Dr. Erica is great and being that I was 49 when I needed to have my mammogram. Which was scheduled a few weeks later. In that time frame my position was eliminated and they found something in my left breast. Now I would have to have an ultrasound and another mammogram right around the holidays at an 800-dollar price tag. I contemplated this decision and even though it was scary not knowing God had other priorities for me to focus on at that time.

My daughter was finishing up a swim practice on December 16, 2022. She dove off the blocks and came up screaming. Unfortunately, I knew that screaming cry. Her knee was dislocated for the third time and her leg was on the other side. I was like a deer in headlights in my reactions and am so grateful for the swim parents that were with me because they were amazing. Ultimately the ambulance was called, arrived, and so did Craig. He put her knee back into place and we made it home. Those were some long days because a couple of nights before this Craig woke up in pain with not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 kidney stones. December was a rough month. I dealt with the stress of it all by hitting the gym and staying on Keto. For the first time in a long time, I didn't have holiday weight gain or regret. Now that the new year was upon us my dr was on me about the mammogram. My family is on the mend so I ended up going to get my annual physical, mammogram, and ultrasound scheduled on the same day. 

I went to an annual physical first thing in the morning and the weigh-in revealed that I have lost 40 pounds with a BMI of 24. When I started this journey I weighed 155 and had a BMI of over 27. I couldn't believe that I hit my high school weight of 115, and brings tears to my eyes. I was riding that high when I had my mammogram and they did show me the super scary mass. I have been praying for months about this. Could I have cancer? My father n law battled it and won. Was I going to face the same war, and had hoped that my weight loss would make this thing disappear,  Here I was with the lady conducting my ultrasound zooming in on the mass that was very real and present. The doctor came in to evaluate all the data and within 2 minutes she told me that she knew that it was a cyst. When I got out of there I cried and cried. I called Craig & sent out some emotional texts to the family.

I am accepting my weight loss and hitting my target. So with that comes a set of new goals mentally, physically, and with my career. It looks like I may be shifting into another industry and my heart goes out to all of my banking colleagues that are in the throws of whatever we want to call the industry shifts currently going on. My fitness goals are now focused on continuing to reduce my BMI and do not plan to weigh myself until my keto anniversary. I am going to continue on my path and finally found a substitute for potatoes. Jicima in the air fryer works for me so now my substitutions are complete. I also got my bloodwork back and everything is great except for my slightly inflamed liver, and I know what I need to do for that, and I am on it. Stay healthy until the next blog amigos.