Hey y'all I hope you are doing well, and happy Monday. I was talking to a friend this past Friday while we walked and ran 3 miles. I am so grateful for this relationship that came from the most unlikely of circumstances. She is just starting her journey, has the best attitude, and I am excited to watch her progress. In my last blog, I showed pictures of myself that are really outside my current comfort zone. I have been wondering how I confidently went from posting my workouts 4 years ago to not wanting to be in any pictures at all. As I mentioned earlier that I used my job as an excuse all the time to not go anywhere or do anything partly because I wasn't confident about the way that I looked.
Now I struggle with the fact that I now weigh 118.6 and have the mentality of a 150-pound woman and am discovering that mindset is just as hard to lose as the weight is. Why is it that no one ever really shares this this is what I want to highlight in this blog? Yes losing the weight has been amazing and overwhelming because this is what I weighed in my 30s and didn't think I would ever get back here. Being overweight along with other life changes really took my confidence and I have slowly and I mean slowly getting it back. I like the fact that I am way more humble now and want to find my balance is weird when you go places and people don't really acknowledge your existence. Now more people smile at me and I am way more confident. I believe that my insecurities diminishing along with my weight and body fat.
How do I receive positive feedback while remaining humble? This is very important to me because there are narcissistic tendencies in every generation of my family that have inflicted a lot of pain and damaged relationships. That is a main consideration for me because I have been that way in the past. Everything was about me and my needs, especially around my career. I got a strong work ethic from my dad I guess because I excelled in the military, and college I wasn't the smartest kid but did make the dean's list a couple of times. My professors recognized my potential and gave me a teaching assistant position which was a leadership role. Even in my first job out of college I excelled and got promoted, and really accomplished a lot of good things for that company.
My work ethic has been with me since then and served me well until my position had been eliminated even though I was a stellar employee. If that doesn't shake your confidence then invest yourself in someone that you absolutely love and poured your life into then have them leave and turn on you. Couple that with weight gain and you will have a fractured and insecure soul. So I have learned that is not just a weight issue a lot of things have hit me and hit me hard over the past five years. I have been afraid to deal with them until now. My faith has brought me through and helped me realize that I can't just pray my problems away. I have to take action by improving my skills, physical, and mental self. I touched on relationships and am at a point where I choose quality over quantity now. I surrounded myself with people that made me feel better about my current situation. There was an interesting response from those people when I decided to make positive changes in my life, and wish them the best. My journey will continue and I am excited to see where I go from here.